Brittina's Twitter
Words Speak Louder Than that Knife You Left In My Back….
I don’t think you understand how sharp your words are.
They don’t ever go away either.
There’s nothing you can say to make words like that evaporate.
No way to apologize or cover up for what damage has been caused.
You can cover up the outside of that scar so that others’ don’t see…
But inside it still as deep as ever, like a broken piece of me.
The scary part is that sometimes I’m so used to the pain
That I’ve become numb to the knife that cuts me inside.
And I just let it keep cutting me away.
Until the mirror reflects a battered, bloody figure.
And not enough makeup exists to cover it up.
You say what I knew I could not.
Now I’m left here to think,
And to ponder, wonder and choose….
Not really sure what to do when I should.
How can I discern between knowing and using?
Possibilities are endless, but possibilities aren’t free
I’m scared out of my mind about what that potentially could mean.
Not sure where to go but I know I can’t just go back.
I’ve risked it all then taken it back, and caught an unimaginable glimpse of glory.
But is this really what I want?
Is this really the path I should travel?
What about Him?
Is he ever coming back to claim his last year’s prize?
He put me on hold and then I got impatient and inquisitive.
Curiosity certainly killed more than a cat.
(Which is a miracle that I’m still alive. )
Contemplating, hoping, wishing, and probing…
Still I’m impatient and unsure.
This isn’t fair to You,
But I did warn You…..
I think I would still choose Him.
And that’s not the right place that I should be.
Just give me some time to sort it all out.
Patience and love is all I require.
It is Your conditions and terms this time around….
I owe it to myself and to You to try.
This will all get mended and resolved.
(WRITTEN AT 3AM…… And it shows….)
December 3, 2006
If I close my eyes and see it does that mean I can almost feel it?
Does that make it that much more vivid, alive and clear?
Could it attach so quickly and become a very part of me?
And feel and breathe and know the way that life is and should continue to always be?
Would that mean that it could then become impassive and hostile and then control me and mold me into any mindless shape it pleases?
How dark could it become before I would realize the lights were dimmed?
And would He be there in the shadows awaiting my mistake to appear and to catch me in my own foolish, repetitive failure?
Where would the final scene take place?
How would I know before it was almost the end of time?
Would someone accost me and grab and shake me until the truth finally shot through me like a piercing, bleeding knife in my side?
Now there is an account; Getting a weapon to bleed before it even does damage just because of the severity of its dismal deed about to occur.
Or perhaps it was the closest thing to knowing how comparable is your pain…
Because it was there and in attendance of it all.
Who says these weapons or war can’t have feelings and emotions too?
They most certainly do until the moment in time hits and it all catches up to them and they really sit and realize that they don’t feel anything anymore….
Nor does it really matter anymore they say, They’re all doomed for hell now anyway.
But it is not true. You always have a choice.
You can choose to finally say: “Enough is enough! And I’m walking away.”
I’m heading South for the winter, but I’m never coming back!
Good luck keeping it all together without me, because I’ve run out of thread to hold you together and scotch tape won’t last long the way you’re using it.
Try glue.
I’ve done all I could do.
It’s over I’m through.
I should have known you were you.
Good luck to you, two.
Blue.
November 27, 2006
Sometimes when you think about it all,
And take in all that it is and all that it isn’t
The end result leaves you feeling sick to your stomach
And feeling feverishly foolish about the things that have gone on.
and left wondering how you’ve even made it this far in life
with all the heartbreaking things you’ve had to endure.
Here I sit one year later, and in the same predicament:
Unloved by the only one I hope and pray so much I could have.
True this year it is someone new and someone better and a different situation,
But it is the same story with an identical ending.
My future is so predictable because history always repeats itself.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin to finally break this vicious, recurring cycle.
November 27, 2006
Why do you still continue to haunt my nightmares after a year?
Haven’t you taken enough from me?
Now I can’t even have my most private, fearsome moments
Of my slumber be with out your poison.
I’ve given you what you want, Now leave me in pieces
Now please leave me with what I have left to recover in peace.
Don’t take what I have left… It’s all that remains of who I am.
It will never be enough with you,
That’s why you left me isn’t it?
Because I couldn’t be that that never ran out of invented things to give you.
November 27, 2006
Sometimes when you think about it all,
And take in all that it is and all that it isn’t
The end result leaves you feeling sick to your stomach
And feeling feverishly foolish about the things that have gone on.
and left wondering how you’ve even made it this far in life
with all the heartbreaking things you’ve had to endure.
Here I sit one year later, and in the same predicament:
Unloved by the only one I hope and pray so much I could have.
True this year it is someone new and someone better and a different situation,
But it is the same story with an identical ending.
My future is so predictable because history always repeats itself.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin to finally break this vicious, recurring cycle.
