Questions From: URL: http://gawker.com/5591116/place-your-bets-in-our-lindsay-lohan-jailbird-betting-pool

1.) The average female inmate in Lindsay’s situation serves 25 percent of her sentence. Lindsay is serving 90 days in jail, But how many days will Lindsay serve?
12 – 13 days

2.) How much time will elapse between the end of her prison sentence and her first tweet as a free woman?
Less than 45 minutes.

3.) Predict Lindsay’s first post-jail tweet.
Post Jail Tweet: “FREEEEDOM!” or “Home at Last” — Something lame-ish like that…

4.) Who will get her first post-jail interview?

Us Weekly.

5.) How much money will she make for her first post-jail interview?
50k – 100k.

6.) How many times will she cry during the interview?
If its in the magazine, not sure. If it’s on TV, 3 times

7.) Wildcard: Make one prediction for Lindsay’s stint in jail that isn’t covered by the above.
New pics of Lindsay drinking (post Jail sentence) will surface less than two weeks after being freed.

Michael Scott lecturing Meredeth.

Michael Scott lecturing Toby…

DISCLAIMER: I don’t HATE French people… I’m just not a huge fan of how they do things there…. AND I make fun of everyone so they can’t take it too personally

The below content belongs to TheOatmeal.com – One of my fave LOL sites….

Now… I love the Twilight series… But I love sarcasm and I totally laugh along with some of the humorous puns on this series… Sure Twlight kinda does teach you that a 107 year old vampire dating a 17 year old girl is perfectly normal… and no it’s not glorified pedophile-ing in my mind… But I can totally see why people say that and I will definitely laugh along with it…

THE OATMEAL EXPLAINS: HOW TWILIGHT WORKS

A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston. I knew it was going to be crappy, but I thought it would be a guilty pleasure kind of crappy – where you know it’s bad but you still get enjoyment out of it. I actually managed to power through around 400 pages until I gave up and started reading Sky Mall. I’ve been seeing Twilight everywhere lately, especially with Vampire Teens II New Moon’s release, so I thought I’d break down why chicks go apeshit for it.

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn’t described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward – a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this “empty shell,” the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I’m going to refer to her as “Pants” from here on out.

So after a few chapters of listening to Pants whine about high school, sucking at volleyball, and being the center of attention, the second major character is introduced. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand – and you’ve got Edward Cullen. The level of detail that the author goes into while describing Edward’s appearance is remarkable. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression “Edward’s perfect face,” and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color – even his damn breath (I’m not joking).

Edward intensely listens to everything Pants has to say, even if she’s bitching about she had diarrhea on Christmas or her preferred method for cutting a sandwich in half. As far as the reader is concerned, Edward cares about nothing in the world more than Pants. What the author has done is created a perfect male figure – a pale Greek statue which the reader can worship and in turn be worshipped by.

So what about men that like Twilight?
If you’re male and you like Twilight, you’re gay. I don’t mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the “you want to put your testicles against another man’s testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair” kind of way.

And the movie?
The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you’re probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it’s just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn’t really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There’s lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward’s body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I’d stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

This was written and illustrated by The Oatmeal

Is it possible that no matter how hard you try… How much faith, sweat, tears, and life you put into something…
Building something, a Purpose, that is worth dying for to defend…
Is it possible that it could all just be a hoax and the Puppet Master on the other side is really just mocking you?

Ouch.
I didn’t think I could let this cut get so infected…

I don’t really know another way to put this… Hopefully Michael Crawford can sing me to sleep tonite….

Tomorrow is a new day. And I’ll be okay… Better even.
I’m still thankful for the ride right? Always…

I can’t even tell you how excited I am for this movie!

Tim Burton…. you are my hero!

( select thumbnails for full size images )

Enjoy the beautiful chart!

( Click to enlarge…. )

“I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.”

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*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God>  Numbers 22:21 — And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. -  (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I’m never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that…”

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“<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******’s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.”

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<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> f*ck me

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<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don’t live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother f*cker

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<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shi*s in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little __ that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the freaking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shi*’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little shi* he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHI*! SHI*!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “F*CK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! F*CK!.” By now, the kid is scared crapless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m EFFING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just effed up big time because his mom isn’t defending his @ss. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shi* from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the __ she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

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<UKDJ|Planet> Okay! I swear…..
<UKDJ|Planet> I’ve just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o…k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

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< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

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docsigma2000: Holy Shi*!
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in f***ing EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our f***in phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: …!!!!!! F*** F*** F*** !!!!!!!!!!!
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you’ll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i can live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I’m from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

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THANK YOU http://bash.org FOR THE PLENTIFUL HOURS OF NERDY CHATS GONE WRONG ENJOYMENT THAT YOU PROVIDE FOR ME !